This blog serves to provide a few things for anyone that may come across it. It's a way for me to share my experiences in the gay community ever since coming out at age 19. It's also an outlet I'll have to show my progress as I begin to start working out again after a very long hiatus. I'm hoping that with the support of my loving boyfriend and all my followers I can get to looking the way I have wanted to my whole life. Your compliments are always appreciated and I'll try my best to answer any questions you guys have. Big hugs and tugs!
Into early August I continued chatting with people and felt my self esteem slowly rebuilding itself. It was comforting to see all these guys that had the same sexual orientation I did. I had this misconception in my head that our population was small and very secluded, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I started talking with a guy from Stoughton, about 15 minutes away from where I live, and it was such an odd feeling I had. I thought to myself, “here’s this guy who is just like me and he’s only 15 minutes away.” I could see him right now if I wanted to. The thought of meeting him, however, scared me to death. I pictured the whole horror movie scene where he locks the door and starts laughing maniacally. It took me a few weeks more of chatting with him to assure myself he wasn’t a pyschopath, but I did eventually meet and talk with him. I also had my first sexual experience that day as well. I won’t go into detail, but I left feeling horrible, yet somehow enlightened in a sense. I called one of my best friends that I met on World of Warcraft to tell him.
He was actually the first person I ever came out to, only a few weeks before meeting with the guy in Stoughton. I had heard rumors that he was going to quit wow, which saddened me immensely, so I asked if I could talk with him in a separate ventrilo channel on headset. I don’t know that I have ever experienced such a large feeling of relief in my life other than that moment. I honestly can’t even describe the emotions. It just felt amazing that someone else I trusted knew, and still thought the world of me.
One day in early July I decided to make a profile on Biggercity.com. Some of you may be familiar with this chub chaser community website. When I was younger I had used it for, well, inspiration, but as I began accepting my sexuality I thought it might be nice to join a site where I could talk to others.
I took my first real selfie ever (wish I could find the original photo!) and made my profile. Wolfman88. What came next was something I honestly never fathomed would happen. Within the next few weeks I was getting tons of compliments from members in all sorts of locations around the world. I had never ever gotten any sort of positive attention like that in my entire life. I can’t really explain how good it felt to have someone say I was hot or cute or any number of nice things. I had grown so accustomed to being unnoticed that it took a while for me to even register what was going on. All I can say is that it was an incredibly good feeling.
I thought it would be nice to give some background about my life leading up to me coming out just to give a little perspective and let you all get to know me a little better.
I have always had my love of bears and cubs ever since I can remember. It was never something that evolved or changed as I grew up. I just have a very strong fondness for fuzz.
Any sort of phase involving an attraction to girls was pretty much non-existent. I can recall an instance of being at a friend’s house for a birthday party and everyone watching girls gone wild infomercials. I kept asking to play twisted metal because none of their drunken shenanigans were doing anything for me.
I have many friends that have mentioned locker room experiences when they were younger, or fantasies involving their professors, and it has always amused me because I never had those thoughts or situations occur in that part of my life. Any fantasy I had was about cuddling. I never thought in depth about the idea of sex with another male. I honestly just wanted to be held and feel protected. Sure I watched my fair share of videos and knew what I liked and didn’t like, but for the most part it was irrelevant. Holding someone was more important to me.
High school went by fairly quickly, and long story short during my sophomore year I came to start accepting who I really was. I think the extremely awkward homecoming my freshman year helped it along too,
I had friends who I believe knew that I was, but were understanding enough to not tell everyone. It was probably good that they didn’t, because I never did openly come out to anyone during that time.
Come graduation I was ready to move on from high school and get ready for college at Stevens Point for WIldlife Ecology. My self esteem had taken quite a blow however. Although I had come to terms with being gay pretty early during high school I still never had any interest from other girls or admirers. No compliments or anything like that.
During that summer before college my life began to change immensely. And it started with me making a profile on biggercity. Stay tuned for the next part!